Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Okay, I just have to share this one!! Enjoy....

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of youwho have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue onenvelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers - but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in theirspecial email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will nowreturn the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on yourhead at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. Happy Holidays in advance,:-)


  1. Posting on the blog doesn't work you must e-mail it to twenty people, if you know that many. Don't break the chain. :@)

    You know I have enough guilt without all that weighing on my conscience.

  2. yeah, I know but this is how I feel about many of forwards!! Hate 'em!!!

  3. I really think I hate the "God won't love you if you don't forward this" ones the most. How has your day been? I bought a little tree today. Yeah.

  4. That's good. My day has been fine. Had to talk to someone I don't care to on the phone today but did okay. Except that I forgot for a moment who it was and probably talked to too much and I'm sure it will come back to haunt me very soon. It always does. Now I'm waiting for DH to call or e-mail so I can tell him about it. But other than that....;o)

  5. OH and I hate the ones that say "you don't really love God if don't forward this!!!" ones. UGH!

  6. I never really thought of those emails like that before. What did He do before email?

  7. CS, Before e-mail he used burning bushes and moms.

  8. Kate, you always have the best answers!

  9. This is funny. I don't even get annoyed anymore. I just delete 'em.

  10. Yeah, I don't always ever bother opening some from certain people that always send these. It drives me crazy! I just hit delete!

  11. I could use a couple of burning bushes right now.