A story, my story

Sometimes God redeems your story by surrounding you with people who need to hear your past so it doesn't become their future. - Jon Acuff

I read this quote today on Facebook and it really made me think.  I have a story that I've been trying to share a particular friend... well, actually kind of with several in different ways... but I'm finding that all I can do is share my story and then it ends.  Those around me have to be willing to listen and learn from it.

  

Part of my story is about deployments, (surprise, surprise!)  and how they effect so much of, well, EVERYTHING.  Everything about us.  How we feel, how we think, what we see or what we think we see, how we interact with others, oh, just everything!  And then also how it can take a very long time to get over it, to get past it.  I don't know if you ever really get over it...  

My DH has been home just over 2 years now and I'm just now getting to where I can look back and see things... see things with different eyes, with a different heart.  As healing is slowly occurring,   I am able to look back and think, "Wow, I was hurting more than I ever knew or recognized."

I want to share my story with others. I have shared my story with others.  Sometimes with others in the same situation just a different time.  And sometimes with others who are close or even just know someone in this situation so that they can see and perhaps have a small understanding of how "we" feel, of how "we" look at or see things, of what is going on inside "our" brains.  

I try to share to my story with those in this situation, just a different time than me, so that maybe they can see how perhaps the deployment has changed their view.  How it can cloud our vision.  Even after it is over!  Sometimes, I think that is even when it is the worst!  But again, all I can do is share it.  I can't make them listen or take anything away from it.  That's the REALLY hard part!

Sad...

Well, we just left DH at the airport to head back to finish his deployment. It was so sad to have to tell him bye again. I'm so tired of the goodbyes. I can't wait till he retires and the deployments end... for us anyway.

We had a wonderful time while DH was home on leave. We shopped, we played, we ate, we visited, we just spent time together. It was easy to forget that it was going to end.

We were very lucky. DH had a conference in Virginia the week before his leave started and we were able to go up there and stay with him. It added a little to our leave time and that was a wonderful gift. Of course he was gone before we awoke and quick to go to bed right after dinner (jet lag) but at least we were able to watch him sleep and eat dinner with him. It was wonderful!

I feel that we have been incredibly blessed this month by his time with us. Remember, friends, to enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones. You just don't realize how lucky you are to have TIME, time with those you love.

YUCK!

That's how I've been feeling. It's been an unbearably sad day for me. Just missing DH terribly. All around me soldiers are coming home or leaving and it's just more than I can stand right now. Don't get me wrong. I'm so glad for the families whose loved one is returning. I really am. I'm just wishing it was mine. Selfish I know, but I guess we all are sometimes.

DH will be home on leave soon and that's wonderful. I can't wait but I don't know if I can bear another Goodbye. They are so hard and get harder everytime, the thought of it just sends me into tears. I'll just not think of it of course until the time comes but it's always hanging over us.

I have friend whose DH is working a lot lately and she said to me one day (and I've heard her say it to others) that her DH might as well be deployed because she never sees him. I say, "WHAT AN INCREDIBLY STUPID AND INSENSITIVE THING TO SAY!" If she can ever reach over in the middle of the night and feel him near, it is nothing like deployment. If he has the opportunity to see the kids recitals, sporting events, plays, birthdays, etc (the choice to go whether he does or not) it is NOT like deployment. If she can even pick up a phone and dial a number and call to HIM, it is not like deployment. UGH! Can you believe it? But I guess it just goes to show that some civilians just really don't get what it's like. Oh well, what can you do.

Oh, and by the way, I didn't actually say that (above). I didn't say anything really, I just listened and kept my mouth shut. I was just saying it to YOU, just now.

I chatted with a friend today on Facebook and it helped lift the gloom a little. Thanks, Friend!!

Not a lot else going on... so now, I'm off to take the kids to their next event. Have a good evening!

BLAH... deployments are the pits.....

Well, I'm starting to set into my old ways from past deployments. I've picked up a smutty book (which I haven't done in over a year), I'm blogging again and becoming obsessed with it, I'm wanting to stay in bed later and later, taking longer showers and lots more baths, I find myself in my own little day dream world more and more often too.

I think as it gets cooler and the holidays near, I grow nostalgic which tends to make me a little sad... not sure sad is the right word but ...

This morning when my alarm went off, they were talking about Gen. Petraeus and what he said yesterday and I listened for a minute and then hit snooze and burst into tears with missing my DH. It only lasted a second but it's kind of left me with a depressed feeling. Oh, he'll call later and will most likely make me feel better but till then...

This is our 3rd deployment and is the longest, 15 months. I'm ready for him to come home to stay. Most of the time I'm doing okay, because it is the 3rd, we're kind of used to it but then other times because it is the 3rd, I'm more tired and more sad. I know that there are lots out there who have done more deployments and I feel for you. Our deployments have been 10 months, 12 months, and now this one... It's just too much.

Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to get so down on here. What do you think of my picture? Isn't is pretty? It was taken at local state park. I love the sun shinning through the branches. You should see it now, with the leaves beautiful reds, oranges, purples and yellows. BEAUTIFUL!!

Well, I'm off to get myself out of this funk! Have a glorious day!

Storms??

Well, we are next in line for these terrible storms that are crossing the nation. I promised the kids I would stay up until the danger of tornadoes is over. Yes, it's looks to be a LONG night.

They both hate storms. Not that anyone really likes them but they are both frightened by them. If they could they would live full time in the basement. I don't blame them really. I don't much like them either and even if I hadn't promised them I'd still be awake for myself. I should really get a weather radio.

We have been very relaxed lately in our school work. They have been getting their math done always and they read a LOT. We've slid some science and history in here and there but we've been crafting and working on the basement a lot. I honestly feel like this is school too but it feels very relaxed. I like it. It feels really good.

DH is doing well. We hear from him regularly and often. We are so very fortunate in that matter. The kids are really doing well with all this. They miss him but they are staying busy and both run for the phone whenever it rings wanting to know who it is and if it's him can they talk. DH has been really busy and is very tired.

Well, I guess that's about it from here. I'll be sitting here waiting on the storms to pass. Have a good night!

Doing okay...

Good Morning dear cyber friends. We had a nice Easter yesterday. It was kind of slow but it was just what we needed. We were able to talk with DH too and that made it wonderful. We are missing him terribly but are slowly getting back to our old routines which is good.

It's actually amazing to me how "easy" it is to just slip right back into our old ways of just about 18 months ago. It is also a little frightening to me. I don't really like being used to it or it feeling normal to us. But I guess for now that just might be best. I don't know.

Anyway, I have lots to keep me busy, at least for a while.

Such a hard week...

Well, DH left last night for a 15 month deployment to Afghanistan. This is his third deployment in about 5 years.

I have to say that whoever came up with the 15 month deployment has never had to tell their spouse, daddy or children goodbye for that long. 15 months just seems like a lifetime to me. Knowing it is for so long just made it that much harder. DH will miss 2 of DD's birthdays, 2 of her dance recitals, one and half school years, DS's first archery tournament, and probably his first shave. I'm sure there will be lots more firsts as well.

It was so very hard to tell him goodbye again. We were lucky enough though to have him with us for 18 months between deployments and we had a wonderful time together. He of course wasn't home all of that. He made a trip to Afghanistan, and several to Virginia and Florida but he was safe.

We had lots of great family time during those months filled with camping, games, playing and lots of loving. The last few weeks were really hard but we tried to squeeze as much into them as we could.

So, we will continue on and try to get back into our deployment routine and get through this as best we can.

Prayers are always welcome.

Hello dear cyber friends,

It seems like forever since I really posted on here. I know I posted a little ditty on Sunday but it was just a quick note.

We have been so very busy. The kids and I are trying to finish out the year and I'm trying to get everything organized for next year. Plus we had our trip which kind of threw us off kilter for a while.

Then DH has been getting ready for his little trip to one of the unpleasant places in the world and honestly, it takes a lot of out of a person. It's a short trip but it just scares me knowing he is in one of those dangerous places. I won't rest easily until he's back home.

Then to make matters worse! They announced yesterday that the army will now be doing 15 month rotations!! YUCK!!! So it's not bad enough that DH is getting ready for his 3rd year long deployment, but it's no longer for year but for 15 months!!

I'm sure that those of who have experienced deployments know this already but for those of you that haven't.... the last 3 months of a 12 month deployment are hard. Morale is low, everyone just wants to get back home. They miss their families. They are tired and all they can think about is their count down and now they are adding 3 MORE MONTHS!!! This will not help morale at all. It's terrible.

I know, there are those of you out there saying, "You signed up for this! This is what you wanted. You knew what you were signing up for!" Well, all I can say to is POOH!!! GET A LIFE! You have no idea what it's like.

The other day my son made a comment about serving his country. I don't really remember what his comment was but my answer was this...

"You do serve your country and have been your whole life. We all have! We too, our little family, serve at the pleasure of the President (even though I DID NOT vote for him) and this United States of America. We serve wholeheartedly and you should be proud of yourself."

Military families serve without pay every day when they kiss their loved goodbye hoping that they will get to kiss them hello again.

Yes, I'm having a bad day today and you are getting the brunt of it. Better you than my children. This is what happens when I have to say good bye.

Too soon!

Well, DH has been home around 6 months now (close to) and just a month after he returned home they started preparing for the next deployment. It's not for 9 or 10 months but I'm already starting to feel sad about it. Yes, already, I'm nearing depression over it!

It could be that the kids and I are going on this little trip of ours (to my niece's wedding) and so it's bringing up all the old feelings of separation again. I don't know. DD is feeling it too. She has been kind of sad about it too. It could be that if DH wasn't already preparing he could be going with us!

I don't know, I just know that the sadness already coming and it is WAY TOO SOON!!!!