Okay, I know, I'm being silly. I know, I'm over sensitive. And yes, I also know that I expect too much.
Lately, I've just been getting the feeling that people don't really like me. Well, that's not quite right, they like me okay, it's just that I'm an occasional friend. You know, the kind that you talk to at church or where it is that you see me but that's it. I'm not the kind of friend that you want to call or spend outside time with. I don't know why.
Actually, it's been this way most of my life. I've always wondered why.
I don't know what it is about me. I'm rather shy and so meeting new people is really hard for me. But I am very friendly once I know you and I love to visit and chat.
I'm usually a friend for life.
But I notice that after a while people tend to pull away from me. People just always seem to keep me on the outskirts of their little circle.
I keep trying to figure out why. You know, "what's wrong with me?" Do I seem too needy or too friendly? I have no idea.
It's funny that I say too needy because most people think I am a "rock". They think I'm so tuff and strong. (People have said this about me, to me, on several occasions.) I'm really just the opposite but I do rise to the occasion.
I have a terrible time asking anyone for help. I tend to rely on my family (no matter how far away they are) for everything. Sometimes I wonder if that's why people don't let me in, because I don't ask for help. It's just because I don't want to bother anyone.
I HAVE NO IDEA!
Anyway, I was reading another blog recently and they quoted this scripture, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you..." ... I Thessalonians 4:11.
It just keeps coming to mind over and over again as I worry about all this. I think maybe I need to quit worrying about why people don't let me in and just be myself. Just be me, the best person I know how to be and then just let the rest go. I'll continue be friendly like always and be loving . But at the same time I will protect my heart just a bit from the hurt others inflict not knowingly. I'll not worry about what others say to me. They say what ever they say for their own reasons and honestly it has nothing to do with me because very few people have taken the time to really get to know me, so whatever they say is just them. And me? I'm going to learn to mind my own business.