Calling...

Ok, well, this blog post has been dancing around in my mind for a few weeks now.  Part of my problem with typing it up is... do I really want to share it?  There aren't a lot of readers out there but there are a few so, is it something I want to share?  Are the few readers out there going to roll their eyes at me?  Are they going to think I'm weird?  Another part of it is I'm not sure I have the words...  but... here it is....

Have you ever felt a calling a on your life?  I real calling, something so strong that you can physically feel it pulling you?  One that comes back over and over again?  Yes, well, that's me right now only...  I'm not really sure what exactly it is...  Is that how it's supposed to work?  God calls you only to leave you hanging wondering what it is you are supposed to do?  It's really not how I envisioned it. 

I really thought it would be much more specific.  You know?  A little more guidance, a little more direction, a little more in my face... THIS IS IT... billboard kind of thing.  I'm kind of waiting on that...  as I need help figuring it all out! 

I've been talking with the Big Guy about it (my friend says I've been a little bossy about it) and well, I've been asking, ok kind of telling Him, that I need it RIGHT IN MY FACE.  I need it from some one real not just the voice in my head...  so here I sit, waiting...  Thinking, maybe I'm not quite ready yet.  Maybe He's still working on me preparing me for this 'job', this calling he has planned for me and I'm just being impatient... Maybe....  that's part of it too... patience....

I don't know, but it's there, that tugging, that feeling of purpose, that feeling that I NEED to be doing something, that He's calling me.... and I'm just waiting for direction, for the guidance, for the WHAT!  (as in what is it I'm supposed to be doing) Waiting...