bad bad day

Man. I hate computers. I hate technology! Of course I'd hate it even more if we didn't have it! My router went out last night and it is making my life very difficult. The computer is my life line to DH UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, Just had to vent.

Good Morning Cyber Friends! It's early here on Sunday morning but I was awake (and the kids aren't) so I figured I could post a little something.

DS and I have been exploring art as part of our homeschooling. It's been fun. We spend hours drawing. We checked out books from the library on drawing and I bought him a drawing kit. He loves to draw. He always has.

I love art. I love to look at it and I dream of being able to do it. I took up painting when DS was very little. I did a few paintings but they really aren't any good but they're mine. But this drawing thing... I really enjoy it. (I did the painting too.) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not using my imagination or anything. (Heaven forbid!) I just follow the directions in the books. Of course he picked out books on cartoon drawing...hehehe.... but mine are cute.

Well, anyway, DS has totally been encouraging me and wants me to draw more so we went yesterday and were looking at books and different pencils (I like color he likes plain black pencils). Well, I thought maybe I'd try the Watercolor pencils but couldn't find a book on them. (Remember I said I don't use my imagination.) So we start really looking for books and anything with patterns to follow and I remember my painting books! Why can't I use them! So there, that decision is made, now I just need to pick pencils. Well, I decided to just use the kids colored pencils until I'm happy with what I do and then I'll come back and get some good pencils, whatever kind.

We came home and I did a pretty spring drawing. It's not very good and it probably looks like a 5 year old did it but it was fun. Maybe I'll scan it and put on here later. Just don't make fun!!! Okay, here it is. Don't laugh!

I'm finding her!

The old me that is. Slowly but surly I'm rediscovering her and you know who she is? She's Mommy, yes, I'm a mommy. Boy, how I've missed it! It is way too easy to get caught up in TV or the computer. Too many distractions. Too easy for my kids to get caught up in playing games and the TV. I've slowed all that down for us all and low and behold, there was a part of me that was missing.

I'm sure one of the other parts is wife but that will be a while before I get to fully play that role. Right now it's just from a distance and I do my best. I can't wait to play that role fulltime again.

So the search is paying off. I will continue this search. It may just be an ongoing journey for me.

I'm feeling a little sluggish today. I have a bit of a headache and I feel like I could just crawl into bed and sleep forever! I've even slept really well the last two nights. I keep finding myself thinking about taking a bath but good heavens! It's the middle of the day! Crazy!

DD is home today. She came home early yesterday too. I told her she should go to school this morning but she cried. So I asked if she wanted to go to the Dr. and she said yes... so, here we are. She could have gone to school today since the appointment isn't until 4:20 but again so cried and was just so pitiful... I really don't want anything to be wrong with her but it sure would be easier if it's something that the Dr can fix than if it's just her not wanting to go to school.

DS has been reading most of the day. He's decided to read "The Art of War". He was studying ancient China in history earlier and decided to get some more books on it and this was one of them. Well, see how it goes.

Dr's appointments, the art of war, deployed husband in a foul mood.... I've got my hands full.

Quick update...

We had a pretty good weekend. We had a few moments that weren't too good but they were quickly rectified...

Friday night we watched "Madagascar". The kids had seen it before but I hadn't. It was cute but it won't be a favorite. Then DD made out the hideaway bed in the living and slept in there. She loved it. DS went up to his room and watched movies.

Saturday morning we got up and went to mail some packages and then had one of those bad moments but we got past them and then went for lunch and ice cream. We went to the bookstore and had a great time there! DD and I could live in bookstores. DS enjoyed it too but he can't stay focused on any one topic to really enjoy it. They both got something and are very happy. Then we went over to Hobby lobby but didn't buy anything. Just looked. It was funny to listen to DS encourage ME that I could do any of the projects if I just tried. Too cute!!

That night we went to a friends for a Creative Memories party. I don't really care much for that kind of thing but wanted to go to help my friend. The kids had a good time. DD got to play with one of her good friends and DS got to play with their XBOX. I never heard from him 2 hours we were there.

Today, after church, DS and I played on the computer together and really enjoyed spending time together. DD wasn't feeling well. I think her allergies are bothering her. The weather has been soooo crazy! Snow one day, 62 degrees the next! It's really bizarre. So anyway, DD slept most of the afternoon.

DD told me over and over that she had a great weekend. I did too. I hope you did too. Now, I'm off to bed. Good night cyber friends!

Slowing down???

I've notice a theme in some of the blogs that I've been reading. A lot of bloggers are slowing down. I have too. I've noticed that I spend TOO much time on here and other things, important things, are being neglected. I've not been spending as much quality time with my kids, my housework as gone undone and oh so much more. For me it's extra hard because this computer is my main source of communication with my husband so I'm never too far away just in case.

But I think that part of me has been lost in this computer and so I am slowing down. Not leaving but slowing down. I need to remember how I love to spend time with my kids. I need to remember how to clean my house. I need to remember that there are other things besides this computer!

I think that Mama from "The Water Boy" would definitely say... "Da computer is da debil!" I don't completely agree with that but it's not always a good influence! :o)

Lost?

The last year or so, I've been a little lost. I've not been myself at home, in my family, and now it is over flowing into public aspects of my life, which is much more noticeable, so I am now seeking myself.

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this but hopefully it will lead to ... me.

Saturday...

Not much going on here so I don't have a lot to say. Last night was our Ladies Night Out and we made cookies for our soldiers. I didn't really feel like doing that part but I enjoyed visiting with the other women. The kids had fun playing with the other kids too.

Now I'm trying to be domesticated and clean up but you see where I really am!! I am in the midst of washing some new sheets for DH and DS. DH asked that we buy and mail him some more so I thought I'd wash them first and then they will be all soft and good smelling when he gets them. Oh, and since I was buying got DS some new ones too.

I need to work on my Sunday School lesson. It's origami and I need to be sure I know how to do it! I guess that's it. What's up with all of you??

Oh, by the way, my DH is the BEST!!!

Not like me!

Oh, I am so not being like me... does that even make sense? I am usually very dependable. If I say I'm going to be there I'll be there and I'll probably be early. If I can't be there for some reason, I'll call plenty early and if I can't be there then something MUST be REALLY wrong!

Well, not today! I had set up a time with a lady to meet her to show her some stuff. She called me 30 minutes after we were supposed to meet to see where I was!! I had no good excuse. I just forgot! That is soooo not like me. I am totally embarrassed. She totally understood and I ran up to meet with her and everything was fine but I just can't believe that I did that!

DD came home yesterday sick so I kind of blamed that since because she was sick I didn't go to church and so it didn't seem like a Wednesday yesterday but honestly, I just forgot! UGH!

I have got to get myself together. But I did exercise today. Yea me! I think I've done some form of exercise almost every day this week! I've had a hard time getting back to my routine but maybe I am on my way.

Anyway, just had to post that I am so not myself lately. Where did I go??? Please come back self! I need you!! My kids need you!

tagged

Okay I got tagged by Kate. Here goes:

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. English
2. German

Two Things That Scare You
1. The War in Iraq
2. Our current President

Two fears you overcame
1. Going on Post by myself
2. Flying but I still hate it.

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. My laptop
2. My phones

Two things you are Wearing Right Now
1. pants
2. My rings

Two things you wore too much this year
1. my house shoes
2. hair barrette

This year's Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (I'm never very current)
1. 3 Doors Down
2. Green Day

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. love
2. passion

Two of your favorite Movies of the Year
1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
2. Polar Express at the IMAX

Best movies of all time
1. It's a Wonderful Life
2. The Notebook

Two things You hate
1. WAR
2. Stupid people

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Music
2. Spending too much time on this computer

Two things you learned this year
1. We're only 11 days into it but...
2. Blogging is addictive

Two Accomplishments You are Proud of
1. My 13 year marriage
2. My two beautiful children

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. My husband to come home safe and sound
2. The war to be over

Two places you went this year.
1. Gulf Shores, AL
2. Wichita Falls, TX

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Europe
2. New England

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. See my children grow up and be happy and have kids of their own
2. make a difference

Two Ways that you are a Stereotypical Example of your Gender
1. I cry easily and a lot
2. I'm sappy?

Two things that make you stand out.
1. My smile (or so I'm told)
2. I care deeply about people

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. I'm messy
2. I'm a terrible military wife

Two Goals for the New Year
1. Lose weight
2. Exercise daily

Tagging??? Well, not many people read here and most have already been tagged so... if you are reading this and you haven't been tagged, consider yourself tagged!

My terrible thoughts for the day...

I was just coming home and I saw a helicopter and started wondering when DH would have to travel by that mode of transportation again. Then of course I thought about the helicopter crash over the weekend and then out of no where I suddenly wondered if there was a moment when they knew they were going to crash and probably die. Of course I then burst into tears. How terrible. Did they experience pain? or (hopefully) was it instantaneous? I hope there was no pain for them. Please don't disillusion me either by the way.

About year after my sister died, I had a similar experience. DH and I were driving down the road and I suddenly started crying wondering if she suffered at the moment she died and if her husband had to watch her die because she choked or something. She had been dying for a while so I know that he had to watch her die but I meant at that very moment and how long it lasted. It overwhelmed me and I eventually had to call my parents and ask.

I don't really even know why I thought about it. I guess I was thinking of DH's next trip and hoped that nothing like that would happen to him but if it did, I hope there would be no pain and no moment of "this is it."

UGH!! I'm going to stop thinking about this now but I just had to send this thought out there. This is my way of releasing it and letting it go. I pray for peace for all those who have died and for their families.

Well, there will probably be multiple posts today so bear with me.

My life has been turned upside down with this homeschooling and my house has been really showing it lately. I wrote about here and here. So I'm not going to do it again but today has been so much better. My kitchen is straight for the first time in several weeks.

You see... I'm a stuffer and a stacker. And then to make it worse I'm also a piddler (is that even a word?). I like to clean a little (ha!) and then piddle a little and then clean and then piddle and you get the picture. But since homeschooling, I tend to clean for a second, then homeschool a little, then piddle a little, then homeschool a little, then piddle a little and never seem to get back to the clean a little part! I know, it's a dumb way to clean but it's the only way it gets done by me. I hate to clean.

Anyway, this piddle break is over so I better go clean a little... laundry to fold.... :o(

Eyes...

Mine are bothering me. It's dreary and rainy here today and makes for sleepy allergy eyes. At least for me. It makes my nose bother me too but it's not pretty to explain so I'll spare you. I could just crawl right back into bed.

No, I didn't get up this morning and exercise. Shame on me. I did yesterday though. I'm going to try to do it sometime today. I need to get back to my routine but it's too hard. Boo, hoo, hoo. It's really just called laziness. I need to get over it!

I did get the living room straightened back up and washed some more laundry and.... well, not much of the kitchen. I guess that's what I need to do today. That and exercise. So.... I'm off....

NOT so innocent

I know... he looks quite innocent doesn't he! BUT!! This DOG has figured out how to open the top hatch on his kennel! Twice today, I came home to my dog out and running through the house! The second time he had had a few accidents. YUCK! It's stinky in here now!! I'm airing it out and have lit candles too. Man, DH's dog drives me crazy! Yes, when he's not behaving it is definitely DH's dog. The kids are the same way. ;oP

The light???

I've been trying to think all day of something good to post to show the light... It's been kind of hard since I haven't heard from DH today but here it goes...

I taught the preschoolers in Sunday School this morning. The lesson was from Isaiah. The kids were so cute when I read to them that "A baby will play over the home of a deadly snake and will not be hurt." They gasped! They knew that was big! Children's amazement... good.

My daughter today at lunch, out of no where, said, "You know how much God loves us? BIGGER than anything!" She was so serious and wanted to be sure that DS and I knew it. My kids... good.

Friends... that's good.

And of course DH... always good just need to hear from him.

UGH! Just watched the local news about the helicopter crash. Soo sad... Breaks my heart.

Sad...

More bad news from Iraq. A helicopter crash... small arms fire... more IEDs... Around 30 military deaths in the last 8 days. So sad. I feel like a little bit of me dies every time I hear of another death or read another name. My heart breaks for each and every family. I've been feeling the sadness start to overwhelm me lately. Honestly, I've not been watching the news much since DH left because I just can't bear it.

Last time he was gone, I couldn't stop watching it. I kept it on 24/7. Really, I kept the TV on in the bedroom while I slept, if I slept. I was so sick the whole time. DH asked me not to do this this time. And... I've tried. I listen to the quick news on the radio in the mornings and then I get news alerts in my e-mail and read the headlines and blogs here and there. I try sometimes to get news from DH but he usually just tells me not to worry.

This war is taking it's toll. I pray so hard for peace. I cry ... and I get angry ... and then I pray some more. I know that there is some good happening there but I just hate to see so many deaths, both military and civilian deaths. Both ours and theirs. It's all so sad. I feel like there is a light that is slowly dimming and dying. I don't know if the light is in me or just out there somewhere in the universe but with every death the light seems to dim.

I know, I need to focus on other things... on the good that is happening somewhere but I'm finding it harder and harder...

Sorry... it's just been a sad few .... days (?) for me. I'm going to look for the light in the darkness and I know I'll find some. I have already since I first started thinking of this post early this morning, and I'll come back and share but for now... pray for our troops and their families... pray for our enemies... pray for the leaders in our world... pray for peace.

Music...

Here's part of a song that spoke to me tonight. This is the part that did the speaking....

-

"Landing in London"

by

3 Doors Down

......

And all these days I spend away

I'll make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up

When its all too much to bear

-

And when the night falls in around me

I dont think I'll make it through

I'll use your light to guide the way

Cause all I think about is you

-

And all these days I spend away

I'll make up for this I swear

I need your love to hold me up

When its all too much to bear

-

When the night falls in around me

I dont think I'll make it through

I'll use your light to guide the way

Cause all I think about is you

-

-

Taking the night off....

I think that is what I'm going to do. I'd say I'd take the whole weekend off but I know it would be lie so... I'm going to finish cooking supper for the kids and then take a nice hot bath and turn on my music, yes, loudly. Then I'm going to read a nice smutty romance novel. I'd have a drink but I only have one beer in the house and I hate beer (it's left from before DH left). So, diet pepsi it is... Have a good night everyone.

Good morning!

It's a wonderful day in my world. I don't know why. Nothing special has happened or anything. I just feel good and even a little happy!

I got up and exercised and I was even dressed, hair fixed, and makeup on before I got the kids up this morning. Okay the make up part is no big deal since I hardly wear any but still... before I got the kids up! Pretty amazing... I know.

I'm listening to my "My husband is deployed, gone, tdy whatever" music. That always helps. DS says I listen to it much too loud but how do you listen to that kind of music any other way? He listens to it loud too but I guess he thinks I'm too old or not cool enough to listen to it loud. Only his dad and he can do that! Too funny. I do need to come up with a new CD though. This is the same one from the last deployment and there are lots of new loud songs that I like. The problem is that I don't know the names of them or who sings them. Kate you could probably help here.... Send me names so I can look them up.

I know... I'm sad but... at least I know who to ask. Hehehe. I should ask DH too. Good idea.

Oh, my mood could have to do with the fact that the internet I paid big bucks for is finally working for DH!! We were able to talk last night for a good length of time and webcam. His webcam of course didn't work but he could at least see us. That always makes him feel better. DD stood in the back ground making silly faces and dressing up while DS and I sat here and visited with DH. It was great. I miss him so much and am so ready for him to come home.

Okay, enough of that talk... it's bringing me down!!

Now... I need to go finish helping the kids get ready this morning. Have a fantabulous day!

Enough lovey dovey stuff. Well, at least until I post another picture of DH which I will probably do very soon since he is no longer on the page... hehehe

You should all (like there's sooo many of you who read this but there are a few....) be very proud of me. I got up and exercised this morning. Not for the usual length of time but for about 20 minutes. It was not easy. I enjoy sleeping late, especially when it's cloudy. The alarm went off and it took me a minute. I think at first I thought the radio just came on because a song I liked was playing! (I was obviously very out of it this morning.) Then it dawned on me that it was telling me to get up! Yes, I can be very slow...

Now, I'm sitting here when I should be folding the laundry from yesterday while DS does his school work. We had to go to the church this morning because crazy me volunteered for one more thing!! Someday, I'm going to give up all my volunteering and just hibernate in my house and only come out for groceries or better yet, I'll just order in!!

Okay, so I'm a little cranky this morning. At least I'm sparing you the details. I'm off for now to either fold laundry or take a nap. We'll see...

Well, here it is... at least until I chicken out and come back and delete it!

Okay, I never had any intentions of ever writing anything like this on this blog but I just keep coming back to these thoughts so.... here they are.

Mommy's Thoughts on Love...

Back when I was "looking" for someone to love, I had certain expectations. I thought he should be older than me, taller than me, have dark hair and blue eyes and I hoped he'd be incredibly good looking. I wanted someone romantic, smart, fun. I wanted someone who enjoys the same things as me. Yes, I had hoped he'd have money or at least have a wonderful job where money wouldn't be a worry. I wanted someone who would take care of me and sweep me off my feet. I wanted someone who would love me passionately and want to be with me always.

That doesn't sound like too much does it? Maybe it's a lot. I don't know. But anyway, I'll now tell you what I have.

My wonderful, sexy husband does have beautiful dark hair (which I seldom get to see since he always has a military haircut) with gorgeous blue eyes and he is incredibly good looking. (No, not just in my opinion! hehe) But he's 2 and half years younger than me and about a half inch shorter than me but don't tell him because he thinks we are the same height. He tries to be romantic and over the years has been much more successful at it. He takes good care of me and provides well for our family and he even (though some what begrudgingly) lets me stay home with the kids.

The job? HA! He's in the army! He came in enlisted almost 14 years ago but is now a Warrant Officer. (I almost refused to marry him when he joined but that's another story.)

He's very smart but it's hard to convince him of that sometimes.

In most everything else we are exact opposites! Me? I love romance movies and books. Him? the bloodier and more violent the better! Even the TV shows we like are different and he watches much more TV than I like.

Our political views are often different. Our backgrounds? Total opposites! I'm "miss goody two shoes" and he's "a rebel without a cause"!

Even though, I love him with all my heart and not a second goes by that I don't think about him and wish his arms were around me.

Do I get mad at him? Absolutely!

Have I ever thought about divorce? Honestly? Yes, and if you ask him you'd get the same answer. (Though they were never more than just a passing thought.)

He drives me insane and I know I do him.

But I love him more than that.

Love is so much more than stature, looks, job, and such.

Love is a need, a desire. One so deep and thirsty that it can't be quenched.

Does my husband feel this way? I don't know you'd have to ask him but I know that he believes us to be opposites too and I know that he loves me dearly.

I hear him talk to others about love and marriage and I'm always so proud of him. We are opposites but when it comes to love... we see eye to eye or heart to heart.

Love is a lot of hard work. I hate how fast some people give up. In society today everyone wants easy, quick fixes. There are no quick fixes in Love. You have to work hard at it everyday but if you do ... it is soooo worth it.

That's just my two cents worth.

Well, I've been reading too many blogs lately! A lot have been about love and such. Well, I wrote a post about it and now I just have to work up the courage to publish it here. We'll see....

Good morning, cyber friends!

Ugh... I'm not having an easy time getting back to my routine. I wanted to get up early and exercise but that was just not possible. I was barely able to get up and get the kids up for school. I'm tired. My eyes are tired. The weather is crazy. One day it's warm the next it's cold. It is driving me crazy and wrecking havoc on my allergies!

DD got off to school easy for the second day in row! I guess this means I'll have to go and eat lunch with her on Friday. I'll have to think of something really good to take for her.

DS is working on his school work. He's doing Language Arts. He trying to use personification and similes. He's got the similes down but is having trouble with the personification. I'm afraid that I'm not much help either. I love to write but I'm not really any good at it!

I've started some laundry so I guess I should try to at least finish what I start and not try to do it all in one day and then have tons to fold. I hate folding laundry. Someone needs to invent a dryer that folds. Oh wait, even better, one machine that you just throw the laundry into (I don't mind sorting) and it washes, dries and folds. One machine for all!! I guess it would be asking too much for it to put it away too, huh. Oh, well. Someone work on that for me please!

Maybe I should go exercise now. Maybe it would give me some energy. I'd love to crawl into the tub for an hour and then crawl right into bed and sleep the day away... But no can do! I'm off to go work up some energy! If you have any extra energy please send it my way!

Tuesday?? It has been Monday all day long to me!

My parents got off this morning and no tears were really shed. I usually cry for hours after they leave but lately I've not been. I think it has to do with the fact that I usually have a date for when they are returning. That's nice. Oh how I wish we lived closer....

DD got off to school without a hitch! Yea!! It was much easier than I feared. It helped that her friend was in the car in front of us and that her favorite lady got her out of the car.

DS is working hard. We lost power this morning for about an hour so we rushed off to the library to check out his next reading book. "The Bronze Bow". I think we have read it before but... we got it on tape too so it should go fairly quickly.

We are starting a short study on Ancient Africa. I hope it is interesting. We spent a lot of time on Ancient Egypt and he was getting bored with history so a new subject hopefully a new attitude!

A friend from church called this morning and asked if I'd watch her 3 kids for her while she goes to a FRG meeting this evening. Something about an incident.... Anyway, they are with a different unit so I told her I could do it. Our FRG meetings are scheduled right now on Wednesdays so I can't go. Hurumph! (That's kind of what I sound like.) We won't get started on that.......

Well, that's our day so far...

Normal???

Well, I guess we will be getting back to normal tomorrow. Well, as normal as it gets here, with one in Public school, one homeschooling and DH deployed.

My parents are leaving in the morning when we leave to take DD to school. DD is NOT looking forward to going back. I have planned my day with DS tomorrow. In fact I have most of the week planned! Yea me!

I have lots to do around the house though. We've really let things go the last couple of weeks. Thank goodness for my mom though, she's kept the kitchen a little under control!

I've heard from DH today and we have been able to IM twice in the last 4 or 5 days so I feel pretty lucky. (If you'd asked me yesterday I'd have been complaining because I didn't hear from yesterday. I'm truly terrible!) I love hearing from DH and am happy to just listen to his stories.

Well, I guess that's it from here for now. Good night, dear cyber friends. Sweet dreams....

Happy New Year

to all my dear Cyber friends!

I hope 2006 brings us all

great happiness and joy!